‘Getting beyond weaknesses determined!’

Read the reply:

Dear ‘Getting beyond weaknesses determined!’,

Once you focus on your strengths and then work on maximising them, you’ll find you’re going to succeed to the point that your healthy pride and self-achievement are going to sing.

It’s really a case of trying to be smart with one’s weaknesses, meaning: it’s useful to team up with people whose strengths are your weaknesses, and whose weaknesses are your strengths. Teaming up with people who recognise this principle, rather than with people trying to get you to conform to their strengths! Easier said than done, I mean to find the right folk to team up with for life in a commited partner relationship, to get something specific done such as a project, or just have as friends to cheer you on to higher grounds. Nonetheless, the concept works.

It’s all a case of focus, celebrating and then maximising one’s strengths, and really excelling what we’re good at. Then somehow everything else falls into place.

I guess this is a lifelong job, we all have to swim upstream with this in this negative weaknesses mindset environment we live in.

When we maximise and excell in our strengths, I believe this strong statement of Jesus can be applied:

“For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. “Matthew 25:29

In other words success breeds further success …. and if we do not maximise our strengths, due to focusing on our weaknesses, then even what we have will be taken.

Again, I am not saying it’s easy. I for one have been brought up by especially one parent whose strengths were my weaknesses, and my strengths were her weaknesses. All my growing up years, all I knew was that I was a failure, a non-starter, an non-completer, and a basket full of further negative descriptions. Only in the last 7 years did I start to understand that those traits of mine, that where forever rubbished, were indeed my strengths. It’s been a painful long process to shift those perceptions. Why? because subconsciously I have always been attracted to people like my mother, male or female, in order to finally receive validation from ‘her’, yet instead of it, her life branding message continued through these other people.

It takes guts to disconnect from people one has almost become addicted to, hoping that the fix of validation will finally come from them. Only then healing can start.

If you want to discuss some further help, do contact me or check out the various HELP available Click Here.

Cheering you on to your success,
Geli.

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© Copyright Geli Heimann – Journey Of Intimacy™ 2010. All Rights Reserved

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

Journey Of Intimacy™ – Geli Heimann BSc (Hons), MSc, is a NLP Practitioner, Relationship Psychologist, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions. For more check out: www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com

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Contact Geli Heimann confidentially. Please indicate if you permit me to use your question to help other readers. For public answers, all names will be withheld to protect individuals!

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Disclaimer

None of the Advice, Suggestions, and Answers to questions are to be used as a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, pathological, mental or sexual illness.

Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or specialist therapist for further help.

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Don’t know what to do?

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Dear Don’t know what to do,

may I make a suggestion? It’s so easy to get mentally into this mode of, “I’m on my own, I should have a partner, I should have a romantic involvement, I should do some dating, ….” However, that mode can lead to serious frustrations. Unfortunately the world around us, especially the Christian world thrives on this mode, creating all sorts of unnecessary pressures.

I suggest a healthier way of enjoying life for right now: build some nice friendships. Yes, real good friendships. It is possible to be good friends with the opposite sex without any romantic or sexual involvement.

The benefits? You get to know yourself in a different light. You get to know how women behave, feel and operate outside your own romantic/partnership. You’ll find when you become friends with a woman without the ‘we’re and item’ and she can talk about how she sees the world of men and may allow you to get privvy to her romantic relationships, you’ll learn a lot. You’ll gain a whole different understanding of relating. However, you MUST keep the boundaries clear and not fudge it into romantic feelings, else the learning process and the benefits will be void.

The negative side of it? Ehem … yes, other Christians. Some find it difficult to handle anyone having an honest real friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Immediately, they’ll suspect unclean behaviour etc. So, be warned, a number of Christians are incapable of handling other people’s genuine friendships with the opposite sex operating in honesty and boundaries with integrity. Unfortunately there are some folk that are more at ease with suspicion in their role of being ‘their brother’s keeper’. Having said that, make sure you DO have solid MALE friends you can be accountable to!

How strong are you? Can you handle being yourself and honouring yourself and your personal development? Can you handle enjoying life and have good clean fun and develop good clean friendships? Can you handle well meaning but unfair religious witch-hunts with rumours of suspicion? Are you man enough to be centered and with presence knowing what’s right for you during this phase of your life?

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Re. the lady you dated last year. Forget about the soul-ties prayers for a moment (they have their place, but not here). You were not so much in love with her but rather she met some of your needs. To love someone deeply and unconditionally is a different process to what you experienced.

Identify those needs she met. Most people do not understand their own genuine needs, and when someone ‘accidentally’ meets those needs for a while, we are attracted to them. During the initial romantic phase of a relationship, people seem to have the knack of intuitively meeting each others needs, however if the core needs are not matched, the initial flush of feeling wonderful is soon replaced with reality: a mismatch.

Understand your core needs, first of all. Learn to then meet those needs through ways other than a romantic partner. This is precisely where a genuine and clean friendship is invaluable.

Lovingly,
Geli.

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© Copyright Geli Heimann – Journey Of Intimacy™ 2010. All Rights Reserved

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

Journey Of Intimacy™ – Geli Heimann BSc (Hons), MSc, is a NLP Practitioner, Relationship Psychologist, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions. For more check out: www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com

_________________

Contact Geli Heimann confidentially. Please indicate if you permit me to use your question to help other readers. For public answers, all names will be withheld to protect individuals!

CLICK HERE TO SEND ME YOUR QUESTION

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Disclaimer

None of the Advice, Suggestions, and Answers to questions are to be used as a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, pathological, mental or sexual illness.

Please see a qualified practitioner, physician or specialist therapist for further help.

__________________

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Heart Cry.

READ THE REPLY:

Dear Heart Cry,

this is not a 5 minute fix, but you can start the process in 5 minutes. In fact, ideally it would be best for someone to coach you through this deep healing intervention.

I trust that you yourself are healed enough and secure enough to embark on this path.

One thing you will have to learn is to love her with unwavering and persistent presence. Most women are extremely conscious when a man is physically present, but his heart and mind is not. You will have to be man enough to stay the course even when she pushes you away and demands that you get away from her and give her space.

Anyway, you need to understand that because of her severe pain, she has become very defensive and acts outwardly in a way that is contradictory to what she is really craving for: safe touch, healing touch, and a man that would persist to love her the way she needs to be loved, rather than the way she wants to be loved (yes, you would have to understand her needs for that).

Because she has been damaged she will push you away, verbally or physically, or even create a drama or a scene to put you off and create distance. Understand that this is not what she needs, understand that her actions are a cry for help and unconditional love. If you act according to what she demands or asks for: space, distance, she is then convinced that you, too don’t care.

So, how do you create the situation that she is reaching out to you asking for a hug or embrace? Keep your hands to yourself (until you know in your gut when it is right to offer her an embrace), but stand/sit close to her. Now you turn up the volume of ‘presence’. (you will need to practice this over and over, don’t give up if after a few seconds you already snap out of ‘presence’ … just do it again).

The ‘presence’ she will need is for you to bathe her with love and empathy. Follow her breath till you are both in sync. When you feel she is unconsciously following your breath rhythm slow it down and take it deeper into the diaphragm, as that will relax her.

Stay lovingly and softly connected with your eyes, don’t move and don’t snap out of presence. She might test you and say something to push you out of you being fully present with her. She will test you to see if you are just like the other guys. So, persist, stay in loving presence. Enter her heart unflinchingly with your loving gaze, and for God’s sake STAY PRESENT and bathe her in love. Think about the torment and unspeakable pain she went through in a rape. No human being deserves to go through that! Look in her eyes, see the beauty, see her heart, feel her heart, stay present.

If you manage to do that you will melt her, maybe for the first time in her life. You will open her up to be vulnerable and trusting, and when you get her to that point, she will want to wrap her arms around you and sink into your chest and feel safe and loved.

Always remember, whenever she pushes you away, respond with masculine presence. Don’t give give into her and give her space or leave her alone, but pursue her with masculine love. I do not mean follow her around like a puppy. Remind yourself that you are a man and show that unconditional love and masculine persistent presence to her, and you’ll rip her heart open in trusting feminine surrender where she finally feels safe and can receive.

Be gracious to yourself, as you may not be able to get it straight off, practice it again and again. If you stay sensitive and present, you will know when to say, next time better, next time longer. Each time she will build a tiny bit more trust.

All the best!

Angelika.

________________________________
© Copyright Geli Heimann – Journey Of Intimacy™ 2009. All Rights Reserved

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR BLOG POST IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

Journey Of Intimacy™ – Geli Heimann BSc (Hons), MSc, is a NLP Practitioner, Relationship Psychologist, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.

Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions. For more check out: www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com

________________

Contact Geli Heimann confidentially. Please indicate if you permit me to use your question to help other readers. For public answers, all names will be withheld to protect individuals!

CLICK HERE TO SEND ME YOUR QUESTION

Disclaimer

None of the Advice, Suggestions, and Answers to questions are to be used as a diagnosis, prescription, or cure for any specific kind of medical, pathological, mental or sexual illness. For those conditions, please see a qualified practitioner, physician or specialist therapist for further help.

____________________

Enjoyed this Post? You can subscribe to further articles and blog posts from the Journey of Intimacy™ by Email. CLICK HERE TO GET IT!

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