Are you really sure she’s not Faking It? Be certain and get her to swoon with the real one … every time! – TIPS FOR MENBy
How to Fake an Orgasm
This video instruction would be funny, if it wasn’t for the facts that studies show that over 75% of women admit to having faked it AT LEAST once.
With you there is usually proof, it’s evident and noticeable. However, with the female anatomy being a mystery to many, it can be difficult for some of you guys to be certain that your partner actually really had one, unless you know what to look for and really know her well especially if you two have great communication skills.
An improved sex life makes such a difference in all areas of a couple and family life. In relationships, what happens when sex and intimacy are not working, you two aren’t allies in the daily challenges of life, or connected in the same way, so everything suffers in ways you may not even recognise it first. This feeling of connectedness which believe it or not comes from a satisfied intimate sex life, does positively affect even parenting skills and the overall well-being of life together. You’ll find that she’s less stressed out, taking life better.
So, allow me to share with you what you can do to be certain to get her to swoon, blissing out in a real orgasm … every time …. as well as what not to do …. read on.
OK let’s start with the some of the many reasons why she would fake it:
The biggest problem a lot of people have with their sex life is that they are afraid to communicate.
First of all, let me say, that most guys are firmly convinced that their lady will have never faked it. When they do find out that she does or had at least some times in the past, they get quite upset – which is totally understandable for you as a man, but, and in a way, that just could be one of the reasons she may fake it and not tell you: she might be afraid as to how you’d react if she told you the truth.
As a woman, myself, and having talked and counselled so many women, I know just how complex and interwoven female thinking is. Sex does begin in the brain and above all in the heart, especially for a woman.
One of the main aspects of being able to bliss out and honestly communicate is feeling relaxed and safe. You may think you are providing her a safe environment, but there may be some worries lurking somewhere in her mind that she might feel more at ease hiding.
Let me give you some examples:
— Maybe she just can’t climax with penetration alone and she either does not know how to communicate this to you, or feels shy, embarrassed, or ashamed to tell you.
— Maybe she has worked herself into a vicious circle: you might be working really hard to please her, but on her end, being worried that she takes so long, she feels the pressure to perform, and that it might not happen despite all your efforts, so she takes even longer and finally she loses all feelings. If she fakes it, at least it’s over, she feels that you’re happy and have accomplished ‘satisfying’ her.
— Maybe she in not the mood at all and just wants to please you.
— Maybe she feels pressured by you, or feels that you just don’t care enough and she hates having sex, so to get over and done with quickly, she fakes it. I hope this does not apply to you! But, considering that you have read this article up to this point, my guesses are that you care deeply for her and really do sincerely want to learn to be the best to make a difference in blissing her out. So kudos for you, you’re a rare treasure of a man!
— Maybe she has some past unhealed soul wounds, e.g she was raped or sexually abused and just shuts down. So faking it seems a safe option, especially if she likes you otherwise. Don’t try to be a therapist for her, she needs professional help from a therapist, plus you’re unconditional loving emotional support without stepping out of your lover role!
There are so many more reasons as to why she might fake orgasms, however, to sum it up: many women feel the pressure to do so in order to protect their partners’ feelings. Sadly this is counterproductive. Number one this leaves them feeling isolated and alone, and often leads to anger and resentment. Number two, you won’t get a chance to learn and improve your lovemaking skills.
What not to do …. seriously guys, ignoring this bit might make it worse!!:
— Do not confront her!
— Do not get pissed off with her if she fakes it or has faked it in the past. Please rise above the male ego dent of not being the infallible lover.
— Do not argue, fuss, shout or make an issue about that she lied to you. (Remember how many times you have lied or stretched the truth with little ‘white lies’ when you were afraid, did not feel safe, or were worried about perceived negative repercussions …)
— Don’t play the sad jilted misunderstood lover, either … you know, the martyr husband who does everything for his wife and never can please her ….
Just don’t give her more pressure!
— And do not focus only on sexual intercourse. It’s a common mistake of men that they only focus on sexual intercourse in helping their woman achieve a real orgasm. Stop obsessing over orgasms—yours and hers. A brain-imaging study by Swedish researchers confirms that relaxation is the single most important factor in bringing a woman to orgasm.
So, here are some tips as to what to do:
The best sex starts long before the clothes come off !
To a woman, lovemaking begins days before the event. Foreplay does not start for her with a few minutes fingering before you jump on her. Foreplay starts with you understanding her needs, such as if she is stressed out of household chores after a long day’s work and kids playing up, then give her a hand without her having to ask for it. Taking pressure off by helping her in the home, the dishes, or anything else she might be stressed about is a huge relief to her and will help her to relax.
Create an atmosphere for her where she feels safe and understood as a woman. Make her comfortable and at ease with you.
When I work with couples, I often recommend for one week lots of lovemaking without intercourse and orgasm. This might be tough for you, but believe me, it’s incredibly rewarding in the end!
Intercourse and orgasm free lovemaking means just that, nobody has an orgasm on purpose as a goal, whilst spending hours (!!) exploring each other’s bodies.
Start off with a candle light bath. Place tea lights around the bath tub and add some delicious essential oils into the bath water.
Then take turns sitting behind each other and caress each other’s backs, then gently caress each other’s fronts. For the time being do not touch genitals! Just experience the feeling and sensations on the skin and tell each other what it feels like. Would you or she like a lighter touch, or stronger; gentle strokes or little circular movements?
Before you lie down in bed just sit for a while opposite each other, touch each other’s finger tips like making a ‘steeple’, gaze into each other’s eyes and synchronize your breathing. This is a great exercise to learn tuning into each other, and especially for you to give her undivided presence, learning to feel into her like a radar to ascertain even the slightest fluctuation of her deepest inner needs and moods. This kind of total masculine presence, where you penetrate not just her soul but her entire feminine being, is a master skill very few men seem to achieve. But, oh boy, does it ever knock off the socks of a woman. Done right, she’ll be like putty in your hands, wildly craving for you to lovingly ravish her to the uttermost …
Use some of the techniques, such as the massages, I described in earlier articles, plus read about advanced techniques of lingering kissing (also on this site!).
OK, this is enough for you to work on for the moment.
Enjoy your lady and live life with passion,
© 2012 A.R.(“Geli”) Heimann
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:
“Geli Heimann, B.Sc, M.Sc Psych, Holistic Psychologist in private praxis, as well as Energy Therapist, Sacred Sexuality Tantra Educator, Transformational Interventionist, Spiritual Teacher and Healer, Mentor, NLP Practitioner. Get confidential coaching or further tips at www.JourneyOfIntimacy.com”